something about yesterday keeps replaying in my head.
go ahead, ask me. i’ll tell you cus it’s confusing me. 
most likely i would at least.

oh shoot.
i have a phone call to make.
which is now made.

bye.

“Why can’t you just be with me?”

That’s from TV by the way. Argh.
I’m getting a headache.
I have a lot of headaches. ):
I have a lot of issues now that I don’t even think I can name out.
That I don’t even know how to describe.
I don’t exactly want to roll around and cry.
But sometimes I really want to. Not that it happens.

Hey, stand up and take a chance.
Trusting is hard sometimes, but I guess why you can’t trust.
It explains why everything you declare is by faith.
But I don’t feel like doing that right now. How?

Why cant you just be with me?

“Get up girl, I know he loves you!”

And that, in it’s own way, somehow spoke to me.
You know sometimes I feel like I’m falling down all the time, and crashing into all sorts of things. Then sometimes, I feel like I’m never ever going to stand up again.
That speaks about JC Promos by the way.
Which makes things worse, because I wasn’t interested in picking myself up. At all.
I didn’t even want to study for goodness sake.
So that’s what happened.

I studied like crazy for my Econs, but still.
I did NOT study for my History SEA.
I did NOT study for my History CW.
No need to speak about Lit, I practically went into the exam hall lost.
Math is unspeakable of, because I tried(kinda) but it didn’t work out. So too bad.
And I didn’t really care. I still don’t. I don’t want to think about it.

Right now, I think it’s time to get up.
I think it’s time to get up and move it.
But really, I don’t feel like doing it.

On Friday, the papers are coming back. For checking.
Daddygod, I put my papers in your hand.

I don’t feel like it, still.
And sometimes, like now, I don’t even know what I worry about.
Or fret about.

My balloon sank, and yes, it made me sad.
I like bright happy red balloons that will stay up forever. I want.

What does it feel like, to be 17?

PSP Boy asked me this question today.
Oh yes, it rang in my head.
I feel like, I don’t know, weird?

I’m 17.
Am I more mature? No.
Am I more considerate? No.
Am I as self-centered as I was? Yes.
Am I still fretting about things that worried me when I was 16? Yes.
Am I happier? Yes. No. It depends.
So how does being 17 exactly feel? The same.

Yes, it feels the same.
Like life goes on everyday.
Like I feel like I’m spinning around all the time.
Like I’m in this city that doesn’t know where it’s going.
Like today, like yesterday, like .. ?

Thank you daddygod I’m under your undeserved favor.
Thank you daddygod, you’re here for me.
Thank you daddygod, you gave me a perfect 17th birthday.
Thank you daddygod, for you’ve made this year good for me.